Why does UNDERSTANDING have to be the ultimate goal of a relationship? Not that it is not a laudable goal. It is. But why does it have to be THE goal?
I go to Yellowstone. I see the geysers, the acidic pools, the mountains, the lakes, the falls. I see a nearby glacier, a canyon, and hundreds of species of animals. The park rangers explain how everything works and that is good, but today, I just want to appreciate it as it is. I don't care how it was formed, what forces are at work, how each element interacts with another, or how the food chain is effected by small changes. Today, I just want to be awed by its mystery. I don't want to understand it, nor can I ever. I just want to appreciate it as it is.
As children, we were so awe struck by the mysteries of the universe, the heavens, the mountains, the animals, the sea. Everything was so new, and we were so awed.
When I first met you, I was so awed. I did not try to understand you, but rather, was awe struck by what I did NOT know. I did not withold for love for a moment of some great revelation and understaning. I did not waste time thinking about all the thing that I do not understand about you. I was just so awe struck, sitting across from you, looking at you, appreciating you for who you are in the PRESENT.
I think of GOD like that. I will NEVER understand GOD. But I cannot reserve my love until I somehow understand Him better. I appreciate Him for what He is now - for what I can see today, and I have no time to try to worry about how it all came to be, what forces are at work, how He interacts with every element. I am awed by who and what He is in the PRESENT.
That AWE, that awe that a child feels at the vastness of the unknown, is the awe I feel for you. I can forgive your shortcomings because they are all minor compared to the miracle of you. I don't have some exhalted expectation about you, I accept you as you are, and don't fret for what you are not. And I do not care at all for your RULES on how we much communicate better. Yes, we should always communicate, but a man and woman should learn to enjoy each other as they are, forgive and accept those shortcoming and trespasses knowing that their partner will do the same. But a lack of UNDERSTAND in not defiance and disobedience. Love exists in acceptance, not in understanding. I do want to understand you better, but FIRST, I want to enjoy who you are now, not how you got here, not what motivates you, not how you beste interact with others. I appreciate you NOW. I enjoy you NOW. I am blinded to your past. And I can't predict the future. I love you NOW.
So with appreciating the gifts we have, as the GOAL, why must we try to over-analyse each other? Pointing out our weaknesses only brings shame and embarrassment. If I go to yellowstone, and see the sulphur pool, and others are driven away by its pungent odor, I say "How wonderful that God has given so much variety and color to His world." When you fall short I say, "How wonderful that God has created you with a whole host of emotions. How colorful." I appreciate you for who you are NOW, someone who accepts me, bleminshes and all, someone who has stopped trying to understand me, analyse me, or improve me. Thank you for letting go of all those rules which were based on so many imperfect understandings.
Why should UNDERSTANDING be the GOAL of a relationship? Why not APPRECIATION? Why not LOVE? If you define love as understanding, then you will never accept that I do love you, because I may never fully understand you. Let's work instead on appreciating what God has given each of us here.